Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Beam Me Up, Scotty, There's No Intelligent Life On This Pantsuit

In Uncategorized on January 21, 2009 at 3:49 am

It all started when I couldn’t shave the Cuban
Instead mayonnaise plastered my gums as I smoke
Buttering me up in the home of ex-president Truman
Fuck the begonias, Save your land!
He then began to sort the anal beads
as crystal cottonballs snap! I stand naked from the waist down to your song
watching 9 one-minute managers humping a bar-b-que
Toilet poster! Toilet poster!

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Caliente

In Uncategorized on January 21, 2009 at 3:27 am

Forget lithe spleen habits in song
decorate the garrulous limb with homicide
can you peel lost pulpmeat so long?
Sure I can, imam, stoney peach part
it’s hard to angle rods and cones and start
pilfer petticoats scratching rheumy time
forward to part, coalesce in King Kong
twist me up a dooby, Cal, drink insecticide
Hand me a poodle, I want to feel aligned
to the Axis, split, ballpeen is fine
Gilgamesh has lunged for the twister mat
Slap, apparently, look to nibble and long
in my heart for a steamed milk enema lied
ten minutes ago I touched a hamster and cried

Down By The River

In Uncategorized on January 21, 2009 at 3:25 am

Ibbly: beveled morphology and a snack tuna on cables.
Smack me so it leaves a mark. My interior is pox-ridden
and smooth of squeeze it reheats the dusty chops.
One warm breast spills out of a turtle neck.
Click shut the refrigerator door, cleaving the soy patty,
falling limp as tissue into the freshwater mainstream squirming
from the crinkled tube.
Watch on the freeway the tires unravel into sparks and ha ha death:
30 ballpeen shots to the noggin.

Poemland

In Uncategorized on January 18, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Scraping by by me something along the tracks,
a gelatinous grouping in the shape of a TV personality,
ochre eye shadow cascading grim red tie
punt like pool-shark lampshade cookie-poodles
paddles soap pining gimpy nuts soccer for free
siccing the dog on the sick limpy nut vendor
laying soaky bun blisters over the side
Fall like a leaf from the sea.

Hey Davy Crockett!

In Uncategorized on January 18, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Eve of St. Agnes—they swam the platter like a log
Ding-dong, the poodle baron. A day-care center Thursday
and I am standing on the back porch facing sideways
Macreasa inside, dollop in the bean pot
Crispy chitlins—they sell bananas like a freeway
And spin a sweatshirt from plum juice and ocean
Saddled like a midget’s buttocks this life of ours
is really important and conforms to my warm insect
Bring me forty streetsigns, fire me a gross
of beetle sympathy and tired pancakes, to
the rictus of my emotional heartstring ruptures
and floods Macreasa’s dress with our first child
Lastly sinful like a magpie on vacation,
How many rabbits can hide in a desk-clerk’s hair?
holding two lizards like drumsticks or music
clogs and clots the plain ham of our life together
And like Jesus at the cycle-barn, and Pharaoh eating stone
I bought a shirt with a timber locket stolen from a telephone pole
Ruptured rubber gadgets sprinkled on my neck and
pulled-out backbone lay down on plastic
hairpiece dreamed especially for Mother Earth

Frosty the Applesauce

In Uncategorized on January 13, 2009 at 6:44 am

A suction cup is as gentle as a human hand
but strong enough to grip
almost anything.
Most of PIAB suction cups can be used
together with accessories such.
To get the Facts&Figures for the Suction Cups please
download the file. Reader, SUCTION CUP WITH CLIP:
Many uses on any smooth
non porous surface.

Vacuum & Suction Cups.
Seal Science offers a broad line
of vacuum c
from 4mm to 50mm in diameter.
Specially formulated Elastomer compounds
for high. Exclusive Features.
Suction Cups and Non-Skid Rubber Feet
provide maximum stability
on almost any work surface while dispensing
film or foil.

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Ainadamar: The First Flight of the Madrugada

In Ainadamar, Fiction, Science Fiction, Uncategorized on September 6, 2008 at 3:05 am

If there’s one sure way to attract attention to your novel, it’s to publish it on a blog like Morpheme Tales. After all, practically 80 people a day, most looking for “naked bums” visit this site. Shortly after publishing sample chapters, I imagine Tor or DAW or Harper Collins will be knocking down my door. The heart-felt praise from all of you, my devoted devotees, won’t hurt either. Am I right, people? Am I right? People? *sigh*

When the slow decay of the universe starts suddenly speeding up and the eventual end of creation is looking more like, oh, say Sunday, mysterious messengers decide to reveal the location of a long-lost sacred text to a space-faring vampire.

In my satirical novel “Ainadamar,” Prince Ivan Stratsimir of Krăn’s family motto — one which has also functioned perfectly well as the motto of the Madrugada, the spaceship he commands — translates roughly as “It’s All About the Benjamins.” So a divine charge to find and employ the Enchiridion is met with some ambivalence, especially since it may mean his death. Again. With the help of a crew of fellow temporal refugees — the chain mail-clad Red Mona, a mountebank, a cowboy named Slim, a feline engineer, a cephalopodan ship’s surgeon and Stanislaus, the Madrugada’s shape-shifting chef — Stratsimir must make his way across half a universe and a handful of centuries to find and use this cross between a scripture, a spell-book and a computer operating system and fix the form of the created worlds. Along the way, they have to fight, avoid, trick and bribe everyone from religious extremists who believe sin can only be destroyed by reversing the Big Bang, a galactic empire that makes those chumps in Star Wars look like a Canadian provincial transportation subcommittee, super funky space banditos and an army of zombies.
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The Twittering Machine

In Bob Folder, Uncategorized on August 22, 2008 at 6:06 am

I. Lobster ad lobster

Aqua Thinktank and I are repurposing delphinium in a stranger’s bed.
Taking my lobster, O. Ron Dismount, for a walk in the Palais Royal. Then, grabbing one with cheese. *wink*
Bats are like mice that freak out over mounds. This according to a study published today in Nature by my associate, Ergo Pippette.
Attempting to hire a chauffeur with at least basic familiarity with Baluchistani car rental agencies. Impossible!
Aqua Thinktank just told me technology has boners for eyes. He showed me a high-impact plastic case which containing two regular human eyes.
Containers contain contents. Incontinence tints pants. Flippancy flips pantsuits into soups of various sorts.
Developing a newspaper one-half of one inch wide and 32 feet long.
My blanket is seven feet wide and eight inches long.
My bicycle has one giant wheel and one tiny wheel.
My mammoth car has a tiny chain-link steering wheel.
My mortadella spoke. Comforting gibberish.
Lobster fighting with NFL players. Cruel? Not if you win all the time like O. Ron Dismount.
Do my fingers smell weird?
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The Bald Soprano

In Uncategorized on August 18, 2008 at 2:08 pm

Here are some photos of the production of Eugene Ionesco’s “The Bald Soprano” I directed some years back.

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The fire chief

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Mr. & Mrs. Martin

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Mrs. Smith

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Heather was the maid

Winnie the Beet

In Uncategorized on July 19, 2008 at 6:12 pm

Since starting this blog in November of 2004, I have been inundated with letters pleading, nay, demanding, that I post the full series of Winnie the Beet cartoons from the 90’s best magazine, nicknamed “the Spy-killer,” Emergency Horse.

I resisted. And with good reason. These cartoons are so funny, they will probably kill you. Kill you, I say. My fellow EH editor Scott “Scott Taylor” Taylor scanned them and sent them to me and now, finally, I both can, and am willing to, post them for your comedic delectation. In a note to me, Scott noted, “They are unfunny in an unfunny way alas.” In this too he is correct.

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