OZARK JIMMY’S MESQUITE-FLAVORED JAPANESE-STYLE TOILET BACON
In 25-, 50-and 150-foot family spools
“Nothing spells ‘mornin’ time like the whine of the reel as Ma unwinds a length of Ozark Jimmy’s.”
The Extremely Close Family If You Know What I Mean of Ozark Jimmy Products:
Comestibles
Ozark Jimmy’s Mesquite-Flavored Japanese-Style Toilet Bacon, in 25-, 50- and 150-Foot Family Spools
Ozark Jimmy’s Toilet-Bacon Energy Bar with Bacoflavonoids
Ozark Jimmy’s Creosote-Infused Toilet-Bacon Breakfast Bar
Ozark Jimmy’s Essence of Peony Toilet-Bacon Skin Conditioner
Ozark Jimmy’s Bourbon-Flavored Toilet-Bacon Barbeque Sauce with Creosote Essence
Ozark Jimmy’s Toilet-Bacon-Style Bourbon
Ozark Jimmy’s Lebanese Slow Pokes – “They’re fog-packed® so you know they’re good.”
Ozark Jimmy’s Hawaiian-Style Macadamia Toilet-Bacon Puffs
New! Toi-Lite. Diet Toilet Bacon with Ginko Biloba—half the calories, half the flavor!
Toys, Personal Defense Technology, Comfort Tools, Hardware, Med’cine & Teachin’s
Ozark Jimmy’s Cop-in-a-Can
G.I. Jimmy – with Ozark Action
Ozark Jimmy’s Pepperwood Toilet-Bacon Back Scratcher
The Teachings of Ozark Jimmy (three-volume manuscript and video tape)
Ozark Jimmy’s Port-A-Reel – “For on-the-fly feedin’s.”®
Ozark Jimmy’s Med’cine Cab’nit: Baconacea
Ozark Jimmy’s Med’cine Cab’nit: High Colonic Cleanser – “It coats and protects.”®
Ozark Jimmy’s Global Enterprises Holding Company includes the following business properties
Ozark Jimmy’s Arkansas Smoked Meat Products, Inc.
Ozark Jimmy’s Insurance Agency, LLC
Ozark Mountain Falafel Company fast food chain
Ozark Jimmy’s Printing, Inc.
The Taco Hamas fast food chain
Myyung Dong Tofu Cabin
Ozark Jimmy’s Med’cine Cab’nit Natural Herbal Remedies
Ozark Jimmy’s Global Enterprises Holding Company Board of Directors and Officers
Chairman of the Board: Ozark Jimmy
CEO: Ma
President: Daisy
COO / Night Janitor: Hans Memling
CFO / Assistant Night Janitor: Timmy J. Jimmy
CTO / Company Spokesman: Carlos Canulas
Senior Vice President: Kitty Canulas
Vice President, Frontier Gibberish: Joe Brooks
Head of Corporate Fitness: Shaunta D. Teeters
Head of Corporate Security: Bubba D. Teeters
Director of Corporate Communications: Bob Folder
Assistant to the Chairman: Petula Fudge
Arch Enemy: Adirondack Stan
Aristocratic Ancestor: Sir Edmund Teeters B
Ozark Jimmy’s Global Enterprises Holding Company and Factory Outlet Mall is located in Buttitta Plaza (“Home of the Samoan Know-It-All”®) at the corner of El Camino Real and Blohmy Street in the Tri-Cities (Boiling, North of Boiling and San Bilbo). Please contact us for an exciting and explosive revenue-building opportunity as an Ozark Jimmy franchise-holder.
Ozark Jimmy Charitable Trust
“That’ll keep ’em from feelin’ like animals.”
-Joe Brooks
OZJ, Ozark_Jimmy, toilet_bacon
During its heyday, global demand for Ozark Jimmy’s Japanese-style, mesquite-flavored toilet bacon was astronomical. In the wake of the collapse of junk bonds, the Internet and real estate, OZJ felt the decline as acutely as any of the other companies at the time. But the desire for toilet bacon never went completely away. In fact, it built and built until finally Kleiner Perkins sought out the company’s founder, who was working at the time as a men’s room attendant at the Manila Hilton, and funded his return to business. He was able to reassemble the ground-breaking team that had originally made Ozark Jimmy’s a household name. Continue reading 
Morpheme Tales 