New Rules for Hunting

If anyone wants to go hunting in order to get meat for their family, I don’t have any problem with that. Better to shoot a buck in the wild than hire someone for minimum wage to fire a bolt into a cow in a factory.

Anyone who wants to go hunting for “sport,” however, should be required to agree to the following three conditions.

1. You can only hunt wild animals, and only in the wild. Hunting livestock, domestic animals or animals in a “hunting preserve” is a capital offense.
2. To hunt for sport, you must agree to be hunted in turn. The pool of those who will hunt you consists solely of vegans, the meanest people on earth.
3. You must agree to hunt with a weapon that makes it a fair fight. The animal-to-weapon chart follows.

Rumor of News from Tech Sites Reported as News of Rumor on Tech Sites

Today, news broke that there was a rumor.

The stories on the rumor outlined how one unreliable foreign source of rumors, a microblogging site, used a term usually associated with rumors that don’t bear out. Then, another domestic source of rumors, another microblogging site, also repeated the rumor.

Clown Suit, Cross and Flame Thrower

From my brother, who lives in a wind-swept rural ranching and university town in central Washington state.

“You should be aware that when we moved into our house in the country two and a half years ago, D. was exploring the barn when he found the (disturbing) following.

Babar the Applesauce

Capitulate why don’t you? Dos figuratives
met in the garden of my villa at Caesarea.
Speak softly to the applesauce in my lumberjack boots.
She dealt her dark sticky card on the white
table of the sheet: Van Sant traps, she thinks.
Wo doggies! My buttcheeks are twitchin’ like
3 sheep in a rain storm—
Bellbottoms are my mom.
The ocean broke loose from its sockets and
bent us like coathangers. Phonecians.
Fetch me my monk frog, Donate my liver,
the potted meat plant rang me like a
windchime. Guatemalan lunch bucket